No Mas Whole Paycheck

on a positive note, i am technically no longer in the service industry. on a bummy note, i'm broke and will only get broker without that income. while my long term approach to my current financial system necessitates waiting for awhile to have a better idea of options, my short term approach entails obsessive budgeting.

first thing-- groceries. i quit shopping at whole foods, sunflower market, even trader joe's when i started my 9-5 job... now i've quit the jewel and dominicks (even though i rarely went to the later, i fucking hate their stupid saver card policy and the conspiracy theorist inside of me never gives out my real phone number for them to "look up" my card) (i hate all those stupid cards actually, except maybe sam's, wine and spirits, not sam's club) because i love saving on booze, i mean seriously, i don't need 27 keychain cards, and then i lose my keys and lose all of them and have to start over, and then they inevitably say 'i can look it up with your phone number,' and then i have to explain that i never use my phone number, jesus). anyhow, Tony's is THE BOMB. i have shopped at mexican grocery stores in the past, but the one by my previous apartment smelt like gross vitamins and most of them don't really have groceries. Tony's has everything i need. Affluent white people swear by Stanley's, but you know what, Stanley's blows, their produce is bad if you don't use it the day you bought it, and you have to go somewhere else if you need a 40oz. of tecate to drink while making corn salad or paper towels for wok-fried french fries.

anyhow, i'm going over my receipt to see what i need to cut out, thinking i bought some expensive juice or something (for my mimosa/bloody mary/hangover hangout new years day gathering), but seriously, these are the ONLY items over $2.69.

VLS KSH SPR (pickels): $3.39
TRP HMSTY OJ (usually for mimosas i'd buy some $6.00 fancy shit, but this tropicana homestyle fresh squeezed looks alright): $3.00
BNLS CHKN CUT (chicken): $3.19
L/CW BBYBL MI (no idea): $3.29
AVOCADOS GRN LG (giant avocados): $3.00
(which don't really count because they are 2/3.00)

other awesome things: $1.69 pineapple, tomato and peach juices, $2.50 container of baby arugula, two red peppers for $1.13, and $2.04 housemade tzatzki sauce.



here's a recipe for the above mentioned corn salad:

2 ears of fresh corn on the cob
1/2 avocado
6 radishes
1/4 c. onion
1 jalepeno
juice of 4 limes
as much cilantro as you like
s&p

cut the corn off the cob, cube the avocado, slice the radishes, dice the onion, de-seed the jalepeno and mince, put it all in a big bowl and squeeze the lime juice, then add cilantro and s&p and mix. it's good.

back to work, sort of.

back at work and i'm sitting around photoshopping images of a real-life-person-in-my-industry who just happens to look a lot like a beaver onto the mona lisa and neil armstrong and um, a beaver. my coworker and i have been going back and forth with these since the day before xmas break and it's totally not getting old.

also, i'm researching snuggies versus slankets. slankets seem more legit and have some amazing product writing that i truly admire (as my job involves that as well but not nearly as fun). check it out here, but snuggie's commercials are just so funny. how much do you spend on a joke gift? and is it a joke? i truly do want one.

and i'm sorry, but i can't not comment that all babies look the same-- like little smushy masses of pink, damp flesh. i don't think all babies are disgusting like i used to, but i certainly don't think they are born little fashionistas.

oh, and in the future, i would only like amazon.com gift cards. seriously, you can get anything! i bought a belated xmas gift for my novio, as well as things i usually wouldn't buy myself because they seem too expensive, like this blush that i used once before and loved but can never justify spending $30 on (although i have no problem dropping $$ on makeup, just not blush because i don't wear it that much).

i'm really excited for NYE this year, mostly because i'm not gonna be running around looking for a babe to make out with (because i already have one) and because i have a sweet forever 21 dress that looks incredibly ugly off, but super hot on. i doubt it could withstand any cleaning and will probably fall apart within two wears, or maybe even one depending on how the night goes, and i know i'm not being eco-minded, but whatever, i'm broke and it's cute.

okay, back to photoshop. man, i wish i could share these pictures... actually, i will, but with the face blocked out:

hanging out in my icecave.

my new work attire:

please plant this book.

The time is right to mix sentences

sentences with dirt and the sun

with punctuation and the rain with

verbs, and for worms to pass

through question marks, and the

stars to shine down on budding

nouns, and the dew to form on

paragraphs.

-rb

flights to bali starting at the low low price of $1800

a few months ago, i made the mistake of telling a coworker that i had always thought it would be fun to name products—like the person who cleverly names lipstick colors. since that conversation, part of my job is naming products and colors, and it is tedious and painstakingly precise. the upside is legitimately doing research by reading shit on wikipedia and googling “the most beautiful places in the world,” and ending up on this website.




the colosseum is overwhelmingly beautiful, the combination of history and iconography and i don't even know... italy and everything being so old. i’ve been lucky enough to see it a couple of times. i’ve been lucky enough to make out in the grass right in front of it, right where those people are sitting, after consuming numerous johnnie walker black shots (evidently, italian for whisky) at fiumicino.

a brief bestiary.

I had a dream that my limbs kept being amputated/ cut off

To dream that your limbs are amputated signifies abandoned talents and serious, permanent loss. It indicates your feelings of frustration, powerlessness and helplessness. Sometimes amputation may also represent a situation that you have been ignoring and has finally reached a crisis point. In particular, to dream that your arms are amputated, suggests that you lack motivation. Dreaming that you legs are amputated suggests that you are limited in movements and where you want to go in life.

And was later decapitated

To dream that you are decapitated, signifies that you are not thinking clearly and you are out of control. You have the tendency to act before you think.

But my head and arms and legs kept coming back, except now I was a zombie

To dream that you are a zombie, denotes that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are out of touch. Alternatively, it may indicate that you are feeling dead inside and are simply going through the motions of daily living.

and had a zombie baby that I killed

This dream may also represent a part of you or your life that you wish would leave you alone and stop creating a nuisance. Killing may represent the killing off of old parts of yourself and old habits.

To see a baby in your dream signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies may symbolize something in your own inner nature which is pure, vulnerable, and/or uncorrupted.

by throwing it into some water full of weeds and snapping zombie animals.

To see muddy or dirty water in your dream indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded.

Later, I was a zombie pregnant with a dead baby

To see a dead baby in your dream, symbolizes the ending of something that is part of you.

cool right? i love zombies, although mostly in the Derridaian sense rather than the dreamdictionary.com sense.

user comments.

i was telling T. the other day about kanye opening several fatburgers in chicago. when he googled it he happened upon this article with a hilarious user comment.

growing up or getting boring

when leaving work, i need to be more conscious of the fact that my coworkers are leaving at the same time… like, i forget that we all get stuck at the awful, endless light at a nearby intersection and sometimes i’ll be like, i dunno, appearing to have what could be mistaken for a finger in my nose, or (like yesterday), start honking and screaming because someone is holding up the left turn arrow… only to realize it’s my boss… yesterday it was especially important to make the light because I had been driving with my gas tank on empty for way, waaay too long and desperately needed to find a gas station. after yelling at my fellow carpoolers, nearly getting in several accidents, and backtracking to avoid congestion, i pulled into a Marathon and filled up my tank with record-setting numbers (gallons-wise, not price-wise). glad to be right about how close i was to having run out of gas, i lightened the fuck up. S. was joking with me about how driving around on empty was probably the highlight of my day because it got my adrenaline going.

what’s funny and not funny about her comment is how true it is. i don’t really feel comfortable broadcasting on the internet what would have qualified as the highlight of my day a year ago…suffice to say it would probably have involved some combination of illegal activity in a bar bathroom …whereas yesterday, it was a toss up between the car ride and the chicken salad i had made from my first perfectly timed dinner (meaning everything was completed at THE SAME TIME, at the RIGHT TEMPERATURE)leftovers from the night before. i’ve found myself having moments like this frequently- smoking cigarettes discussing health insurance plans on a Saturday night with my old trouble-making sidekick L, pictures from lowkey hangouts replacing hipster party photoblogs, relaxing vacations instead of insane italian adventures, euchre/bucktown pub trivia as my big night out for the week… some days it feels so good to give out my business card, or to run into some crusty, holiday-named babe at the grocery store who sort of dissed me and tell him about my 9-5 job… others, i wake up crying and terrified, or send myspace messages to a friend and lowlife bon vivant that read like this:

“i was putting company stickers on black glossy folders, careful not to make fingerprints and thinking, who might get this? and i thought of you.

i never thought i'd spend so much time watching canada geese with a soundtrack of humming fluorescent lights. i'm not sure if i'm doing everything wrong or just growing up, do you know what i mean? i miss things like waking up and drinking whisky, drawing pictures with a pencil between my toes, but you can't do that forever? can you?"

i really do love euchre, and a lot of other aspects of my life right now... it's just...not how i envisioned myself as when i was the mildly jaded, just graduated from college, moving to the (sort of) big(ger) city person i was at 21, imagining the 25 year-old i would be.

-esm

a blog about another blog and this blog.

writing a blog is hard work. i know. i read my boyfriends exgirlfriends ladymag blog kind of obsessively because i’m a maniac. someday i'd like to meet her and ask her how she does it! I mean really, how do you follow “band aids as accessories: a do or a don’t.” i wonder if she woke up in the middle of the night and was like, OMG, today my shoes were squeaking, that’s it! tomorrow i’ll write a blog called: “OMG, please help my shoes from squeaking!”

grace is going to post on this blog too. she’s funnier than me and I’ve always loved her writing. mostly we only share writing at 6am on a bender, while drinking limoncello or whatever dregs of liquor are around the apartment and talking nonstop. somehow we haven’t managed to land our dream jobs, “Fi”s (that’s short for fiancé!), or the capacity to purchase $900 boots then write a blog “Oops, did I overspend?” i think my goal with this blog is to figure out why not. also, to start writing on a regular basis. also, to be a nicer person.

-esm